Disclaimer: Please be gentle.

Last October, i gave away a ton of clothes to my sister while she was up here visiting. The clothes had been hiding under the stairs in storage, giving me grief. Because those clothes were for the skinnier body i used to have. The ton of clothes i gave her probably weighed far less than the ton of weight i have been carrying around with me needlessly throughout these past six years.

GASP! i gained weight during my pregnancy with Sandrine.
DOUBLE GASP BATMAN! i gained even more weight during my pregnancy with Nathan.
And i have not been able to get rid of it.

Until last October.

Something snapped inside of me. Shoving those bags of clothes into my sister’s trunk was a catharsis, a realization that i had no where to go but up – or down, if you want to be funny. i have been embarrassed for the longest time. i’ve been especially angry with every skinny girl i meet, envious of calf boots & leggings, sad that riding a bike with the kids had me breaking out in hives.

So my secret, for these past 7 months, has been my weight loss. Which i thought i’d reveal until i was THERE, you know, that moment in time when you shrug, give yourself that satisfied smirk in the mirror, & go, Ok, this is good.

But i’m not there yet. i’ve lost 50 pounds so far, & while i let that sink in with you, let me just tell you that, embarrassingly enough, this is almost the halfway mark, but not quite.

Still, i am FIERCELY proud of my accomplishment so far. There is no way i am going back. But the reason i’m writing about it now is because i need your help. Up until April, it was relatively easy to shed the pounds. i’m not dieting; rather, i’m changing the way i eat food, the way i see it, the way i love it. But in times of stress, i find myself going back to the fat & sugar i used to love. The Spring months have not been good to my nerves (Hello, book launch! Hi, recipient of CEO award!). And so i haven’t been losing, & i have been grasping at what little motivation is left me.

This is where you guys come in. Give a girl some support. i don’t want to attend motivational groups, or read some blogs from people i don’t care about, or join in some discussion groups. i want those people i care about, those very same people who care about me & who care to come & read me, help me out. Because your ideas are what i need right now. i need to focus on me wearing tiny skirts again, sitting comfortably in a plastic patio chair, enjoying munching of carrot sticks, outrunning my kids, having supper in a restaurant booth, letting my man take pictures of me at any angle.

Unsure as to how many years we’ve been doing this (i’m actually too lazy to check my archived photos), but once again, we helped clean up our town last weekend.

I’m glad we have this initiative, but i’m pissed that people, in this modern century, can still feel comfortable tossing a bag of chips into some bushes, or cigarette butts on the bike trail, or cups of beverages behind a few trees. And this, DESPITE the recycling bin and garbage can right at the curb. Those bad apples are really rotten, to say the least.

i’m overwhelmed with pride at how good my kids are at picking up garbage & refusing to loiter. We’re doing a damn good job of making them aware of the consequences of just chucking everything on the ground, & this activity only reinforces how great it is to take care of our planet.

Please forgive me for quoting some Ace of Base, as, a) we’re not in the 90s anymore, & b) no Swedish band will ever be better than ABBA so it is totally useless to try to think otherwise, but the lyrics seem to describe in a somewhat bland, unrevealing way, how i felt as a published author a few nights back at the book launch.

First off, i need to point out that people are programmed to be groupies. i think we all have this wiring in our heads that make us a little giddy at having something no one else might quite possibly have, that encountering fame, even if it is a very, very short-lived fame, might brush off & multiply, like cockroaches in a wall, only more glamorous. Because when i arrived at the scene of the book launch, almost all of the thirteen authors were already there, mingling with folks from the publishing house & those from the organizing committee, in a very off-hand way. We were happy to be there, & it was very low-key.

That is, until the first groupies arrived. i use the term loosely: some were zealots, some were fans. But i certainly did not expect strangers to walk up to me with the book in their hands, & ask that i sign their copy. Which is what they did. i grew flustered, of course. And felt very foolish. What do you write to someone who has no idea who you are, who has most certainly not read your text, & is, quite possibly, only asking you to sign their anthology either to be polite, or to see how many signatures they can get before they go for their third round of free-wine-in-a-plastic-cup ? Have a great read! Thanks for coming! How do you spell Josette?

So yes, that embarrassed me. Carrying around my pen flustered me. Wearing a name tag so people would know i was one of the authors was disconcerting.

However, the great thing about it all was just the overall sense of feeling like someone worth knowing, like somebody special. Empowered by the rewards of hard work & a touch of luck, i signed those books to those strangers. i let others take my picture & didn’t cringe, knowing someone out there now has a picture of my bad side or red face or awful expression. But best of all, i had a group of people who came specifically to make this night even more special – family, friends, co-workers. My best friend drove five hours to surprise me at the book launch! My mother-in-law & Nam’s grandmother came down round-trip just for the event! And Nam stayed by my side the entire night, proud as punch, eyes smiling all the time.

So, thanks, everyone. Those who were able to come. Those who said they’d be there in thought. And for those who requested signed copies, you will be getting yours.

You can purchase the book at our local bookstore or from the publishing house for $19.95 or email me & i can most certainly try to get you a copy.

Dear Nathan,

Last week you turned thirty-two months old, & this may just be the latest i have ever been in getting around to writing your newsletter. But! i have great excuses! None of which involve you, sadly enough. Suddenly you will come to realize that i have slowly stepped out of the bounds of your microcosm, & am someone more than just that crazy chick forcing you to eat tons of fruits before having anything sugary & chocolatey for dessert.

This is the month where, whenever i will look back on it, i will fondly refer to as the month you turned into The Flash, the fastest man alive. You have been so busy living life to the brim that i have been unable to take a single, decent picture of you these past thirty-one days. SERIOUSLY, STOP MOVING ALREADY. i wouldn’t say you’re abundantly super active, but you do love physical challenges, anything that will allow you to hang from your feet, to get you screaming with laughter, to have you flipped upside down.

You decided you’d drop your red tricycle like a hot potato, & put your moves on to your big sister’s old bike – the one with the training wheels, the pedal brakes but specifically, the 14-inch wheels. Let me point out to you that we got this bike for Sandrine when she was six months older than you, & a head taller. You’ve fallen off of it only once. You flinched, shrugged like it was no big deal. & then you reminded us about that one time you crashed your helicopter in Germany.

We signed you up for your first swimming lessons this month, which means every Sunday, you are at your happiest. i knew you’d like swimming, but i underestimated by about 300 % just how much. You’ve taken to swimming like, well, a duck to water, & your absolute favourite part is wearing your bathing cap (!) & going down the slide. In the space of just four short lessons, you’ve learned to jump into the water with pure abandonment, swim an entire lap without grabbing on to my suit & no longer sputter when you swallow water – now it’s a full head-on chlorinated burp.

You also got a steel red wagon from your grandparents, & if you could, you’d bring it in your bed along with your stuffed toys, you love it THAT much. We will have the cleanest street on the block if you continue to pick up stray rocks & throw them in your wagon. You’ve always loved pulling things, & this is no different. This evening when you took your bath, i suddenly realized that you’ve bulked up on your biceps. i’m thinking i may have to dress you in tight tees & little black fingerless gloves.

Coco, you may be all over the place during the day, but on those week-ends when we let you jump into our bed, you are all cuddles & coos & soft, baby breath. Your dad thinks you keep kicking the blankets to piss him off, but what he doesn’t know is that you & me ? We’re secretly tickling our noses under the sheets, holding hands in the quiet dawn, aligning our heartbeats. i know it won’t last, so i’m literally keeping it under wraps, & storing it for those times you’ll be out with your buddies at a basket ball game ogling the cheerleaders, or sneaking fags behind some alley – stuff that’s sweet for pubescent boys, not their mums. i’ll know you when, Nathan.

Love,
Mum

Right now, i’m floating on a cloud. i’m not talking about a little fluffy white cloud, traipsing around the blue skies up there, all cute & powdery. i’m talking about a major big-ass cloud, with bling on its bumper, rolling thunder blaring from its peaks, & being all PINK because it almost seems like a dream.

You guys, i am going to Halifax, to a fancy gala, to receive a prize for my work!

I know! It’s crazy! You’d better believe that i will be taking a week off in Halifax, during which i plan to loll in my hotel suite for a few days, making no decision more important than “Baileys in my morning coffee? Or Kahlua?”

You see, at my annual performance rating, i received an exceeds for my contributions to the business in 2011. i was welcomed aboard the exclusive exceeds Honour Roll because my performance demonstrated outstanding efforts in advancing our company’s strategic objectives. The executive team sent me a thank you card in a silk & leather portfolio, & they put a star on the Walk Of Fame.

By the buck does not stop there. My exceeds performance excited my boss, who then submitted my candidacy for a CEO excellence award (the pinnacle of success at my company, by the way). Candidates were reviewed based on their overall contributions to the success of the company & individual advancement. It’s a mouthful, i know.

And today, i learned that i am a recipient of a CEO excellence Award, representing the top 1 % of management and unionized performers across my company’s entire region! My accomplishment will be celebrated at a gala event this June, hosted by the CEO! i feel as if i have a wire in my mouth from all the smiling! And all these exclamation points make it seem like i can’t stop yelling! STOP YELLING! GOING CRAZY! HAPPY EXCITED!

i also get to bring Nam. And have all of our expenses paid. Professional photo shoot, martini bar, trophey, four-star hotel. A cup of wine while waiting to board? Yes, please. Put it on my tab. Some lobster tails just to play with in the tub? Sure! Ca-CHING.

i feel a bit breathless.

So this summer, i’m off to conquer Halifax. i’ve been there twice before, but for business trips, not for leisure. Have you been to Halifax? Do you have any knowledge to impart? Hotel recommendations? (Because we will be staying longer, though at a decidedly cheaper hotel.) Food recommendations? Any other kind of recommendations?